Ringadingding,

it's Februlary, and everyone has been asking me; "Where is the discus held?"
I don't really know where the discus is held, my only suggestion is "hand", or "mouth, if you're carrying luggage". It's barely a triday away from that dreaded 14th, 'vallistines day', and everyone is wondering which one of the lovely ladies Bags will pick to be his sweetheart this year... well I'm not telling, because then I'll upset the people who it isn't, namely Samuel Hunter.

If you can think of more than 8 things, you're doing well.

Turnips Turnips Turnips, everyone doesn't have a turnips, unless you are miss Salamander Russell, in which case you probably do, because you're 6 10ths ent. More tree than hooman I say...

for all those people who are keeping up with the times, the latest fad is mispronunciation, which is quite difficult to spell, so I would advise avoiding doing so. Also, to 'defenestrate', is to throw something out of a window, which is incredibly joyous, especially if the item being 'defenestrated' is a phone book, either frozen or thawed.